New Mom Advice

Owlhaven asks:

What advice or information do you wish you had received to prepare you for motherhood? Or, on the contrary, what advice do you think women soon to become mothers should not be given?

This one is a slam-dunk question for me, I learned it hard with the Kiddo:

Never have expectations.

ROFL. Sounds ridiculous, right? No expectations, what are you talking about?! It's really quite simple - expect nothing, hope for the best.

I was the typical naive mother - and thought I wasn't. Of course babies don't sleep all the time, why would I ever think that? Of course babies cry a lot, do you think I'm stupid?

Boy, was I ever. :-O

I thought I was clear-headed in my thinking about what motherhood would be like. I thought it would be tough but fair. Draining, but not too bad. Boy, did God laugh when he handed me the kiddo.

See, I'm a rather independent sort of person. I like quiet times to myself, and don't like being too attached. And I figured that my baby would need me, oh yes, but NEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD me? Nah. Ha. We got a baby that cried constantly. That wanted nothing more than to be held, awake or asleep. That could only be held in one basic position while awake - preferably while bouncing at the same time. Who didn't care much for bottles or pacis. Who had to be dead, limp-in-your-arms asleep before you could put him down to bed. (None of that sissy 'put them down while still drowsy' nonsense for him!)

A kid who could GI-crawl at 4 months, hands and knees crawl at 5, cruised the furniture at 6 months, and let go of the furniture at age 9 months 1 week. Who had to be close all the time, preferably touching some portion of me. Who, when I thought we had almost licked the nighttime waking thing at around age 1, proved me even more wrong by beginning to wake more - and more loudly - than ever after learning to spend his days exploring the house instead of clinging to me.

And just when I thought I just about had this parenting thing licked, we had child #2. Okay, so now I know what I'm doing, right?

Snicker. Chortle. GUFFAW!

So, the Munchkin was a lot easier baby than the Kiddo was. She was pleasant and sweet, and while not as clingy she still needed plenty of attention. But after moving into toddlerhood and the preschool ages, I discovered that whatever things the Kiddo did NOT subject me to, she did. I've often compared raising kids to playing poker - just when you think they've got them figured out, they go and raise the ante on you. Raising these two is like playing against two very different players. It's been an interesting ride so far, to say the least.

So - expect nothing, hope for everything good. Don't expect that your baby will sleep 20 hours a day, don't expect that they will only cry when hungry or dirty, don't expect that they will sleep peacefully alone with no fuss, nor give up waking at night by 3 months. Don't expect them to willingly eat every new food, nor try every new adventure with gusto.

Expect nothing, and when something wonderful does happen - and it will! - then you will feel even more excited. You will also have less stress, because when reality doesn't match expectations, stress happens. No expectations, less stress.

Go see Owlhaven's blog for more new mom advice!

posted by Homeschool Help Web at 2:31 PM |